Ranting Asians

You know what gets my panties in a bunch?
Justin Bieber. All of her. Her hair, her voice, her songs, her nail polish line, and most of all…that the shrimpy annoyance claims to be a 16 year old boy.

1. He sounds like a 12 year old girl. When I first heard his “One Time” song, I thought it was another one of Disney’s girlie tween creations. Bieber should just do musicals taking girls’ roles with that voice. I mean, have your balls even dropped yet??
A few months back, his management team and “people” were freaking out because his voice was starting to crack and he couldn’t hit some of the higher notes from when he first started. So, they had to lower the octaves in certain songs so he can sing them better. Why is everyone so worried and confused?! Isn’t he supposed to be a 16 year old boy?? It’s called: PUBERTY! What’s going to happen when this alleged boy starts growing facial & pubic hairs? Will every freak out, again??
2. That song “One Time” is a joke. Is Bieber really 16? Because that song makes him seem like he’s two.
“Me plus you / I’ma tell you ONE time / Me plus you / I’ma tell you ONE time / Me plus you / I’ma tell you ONE time / ONE time / ONE time…/…Let me tell you ONE time / Girl, I love, I love you / I’ma tell you ONE time / Girl, I love, I love you…”
Yeah, ONE TIME means just ONCE, douchbag!! He repeats that crap like 5 more times in the song. Didn’t your mom teach you how to count? Or were numbers the subject the day after you decided to go with that song?
His lyrics are absurd for a 16 year old to be singing. Has he really been in love and hurt that many times?
“Baby, baby, baby, ooohhh / like baby, baby, baby, oohhh / thought you would always be mine…”
“Girl, you’re my one love / my one heart / my one life for sure…/…many have called, but the chosen is you…”
Really?? Has he really dated that many girls (or boys), and experienced true love and love’s sorrow because of it? We are all being Punked.
3. The hair and the hair shake is old man, messy, and ridiculous. Does he ask for the “downwind” look from his stylist? I mean, if you have to shake the hair out of your eyes that often by twitching like a drug addict, then it’s NOT cool. It’s bothersome and messy. Just cut it!
4. A nail polish line?? Really?? Does the kid even know he has a nail polish line out? Its probably something his mom and “people” just agreed and decided on. Well, I guess girls can paint their nails w/J. Bieber polish and masturbate. As Chelsea Handler put it, “It’s the closest thing to having his fingers in a girl.” Which leads to my next point of rant…
5. His purity pledge. This alleged teenage boy continuously talks about his plans to stay pure, to treat girls with respect, and to keep his promise to his mom. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is cute, heart warming, and even admirable…if he can actually do it. All those dumb kids who wore purity rings and publicly told the press they’re saving themselves have all screwed up and gave up.
Does he even like girls? Does he even date? Has he dated? According to his songs, he has found “the one”- is she the one he’s “saving himself” for? Is he using the Jonas Brothers as an example? Because they’re reason for purity is to cover the fact that they are gay. Even the one that’s married hasn’t plowed his wife.
6. I hate that there is a thing called “Bieber Fever.” That’s the corniest, most ridiculous, and annoying thing ever. No Beiber Fever allowed.

So, Jason Bieber…er, Justing Bieber, stop prancing around claiming you’re a boy, sing better & better songs- songs that actually relate to your life and your age group, trim that messy mop you call hair, either go smash a girl or come out of the closet, and send me free nail polish.

And that, my friends, is what gets MY panties in a bunch.

You know what gets my panties in a bunch?
People who have personal conversations very loudly and obnoxiously on their cell phones in public– especially in small or enclosed spaces.

Annoying wench at T-mobile: “OH MY GOOOOSH!! I was JUST about to call you! No, I'm not busy at all. I'm just at T-mobile waiting my turn in line. So…how are you?? How has life been since your operation? Are you 100% cancer-free now?”
Washed up former MVP high school football star athlete: “Bitch! You better cut that shit out right now! I'm so tired of you always nagging and pulling this bullcrap on me! No, YOU shut the fuck up, you stupid whore! I'm tired of your shit!”
Super local public school girl in Jr. High at the bookstore: “Whea you stay? You get one girlfriend? You have a girlfriend don't you? Then why you no like gimme yo numba? I gave you mine. Why won't you unblock yo numba? I ain't no hoochie, you know? Just tell me. Eh, gimme yo numba, you suckin' playa.”

Really? No one wants to hear about your personal life.
Go outside and talk. Talk softer.
Get a grip on life!
No one needs to know about your one-night stands, your dying relative, your kid's failing grades, or your domestic issues.
Really, I'd rather just see a bunch of assholes texting furiously on their phones than having personal conversations out loud in public for the whole world to hear.
And those ridiculous people who talk on the phone in the elevator…what can be so important?
Do we suddenly not believe in text messaging? Because it's generally the same people who blindly text message while “multi-tasking” who like to have obnoxious and loud personal phone conversations in enclosed public spaces.
I thought that's what “smartphones” were for. You can text, instant message, or email.
Or…how about this?? Save it the eff for later, jerkfaces!

And that, my friends, is what gets MY panties in a bunch.

You know what gets my panties in a bunch? ?

When assholes automatically assume that I cannot speak English and try to get my attention by speaking in Japanese (or some other sort of Asian language they think I speak).

Kiosk sales people: “Konichiwa! Look! Kore mite, onesan. Can I show you something cool?”
Me: “I speak English, you cunt. Or shall I say it in Arabic?”
Ridiculous men:“Konichiwa, baby. You look so kawaii.”
Me: “I am an American and speak English probably better than you. Dimwit.”
Man working at a bar & hustling me in Mexico: “Hey kirei chica! Konichiwa! Margarita? Roku margarita por the price of ichi.”
Me: “1. I'm an American. 2. You didn't even say that right.”

Oh my Lady Gaga! Seriously??
Please don't assume that I can't speak English.
I was born and raised in America. I went to an American school taught by American teachers.
I have assimilated to the American way. I even have an American name that is legally my FIRST— not middle– name.
I don't dress in crazy outfits like FOB girls. I don't even have crazy hair and make up like them FOB girls. 
I was in Honors English all my life. I speak perfect English with no accent whatsoever.
So, if you want me to buy something highly overpriced, useless, and ridiculous, don't call out to me in your broken Japanese. If you want me to give you my number and give up my goodies, don't try to flirt with me with your heavily foreign accented broken Japanese.
Honestly, it doesn't impress me at all. In fact, it offends me.

And that, my friends, is what gets MY panties in a bunch.