Hello? Can You Hear Me Now?

You know what gets my panties in a bunch?
People who have personal conversations very loudly and obnoxiously on their cell phones in public– especially in small or enclosed spaces.

Annoying wench at T-mobile: “OH MY GOOOOSH!! I was JUST about to call you! No, I'm not busy at all. I'm just at T-mobile waiting my turn in line. So…how are you?? How has life been since your operation? Are you 100% cancer-free now?”
Washed up former MVP high school football star athlete: “Bitch! You better cut that shit out right now! I'm so tired of you always nagging and pulling this bullcrap on me! No, YOU shut the fuck up, you stupid whore! I'm tired of your shit!”
Super local public school girl in Jr. High at the bookstore: “Whea you stay? You get one girlfriend? You have a girlfriend don't you? Then why you no like gimme yo numba? I gave you mine. Why won't you unblock yo numba? I ain't no hoochie, you know? Just tell me. Eh, gimme yo numba, you suckin' playa.”

Really? No one wants to hear about your personal life.
Go outside and talk. Talk softer.
Get a grip on life!
No one needs to know about your one-night stands, your dying relative, your kid's failing grades, or your domestic issues.
Really, I'd rather just see a bunch of assholes texting furiously on their phones than having personal conversations out loud in public for the whole world to hear.
And those ridiculous people who talk on the phone in the elevator…what can be so important?
Do we suddenly not believe in text messaging? Because it's generally the same people who blindly text message while “multi-tasking” who like to have obnoxious and loud personal phone conversations in enclosed public spaces.
I thought that's what “smartphones” were for. You can text, instant message, or email.
Or…how about this?? Save it the eff for later, jerkfaces!

And that, my friends, is what gets MY panties in a bunch.